I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
