Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
