no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
