So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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