I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
