Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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