I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
