i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
