Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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