Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
