do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
