I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
