Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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