Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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