Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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