I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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