When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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