she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
