Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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