I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I came so hard my ears popped.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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