Those balls look pretty dangerous.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
