Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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