i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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