Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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