So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
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well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
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The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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