I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
