Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
