"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
