she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
