im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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