He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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