alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
