I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
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I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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