I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I need moral support for this bender
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
