She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
i think im in europe. pls send help
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
