Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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