I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
