i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
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We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
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And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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