Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
