I hate all girls vehemently.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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