i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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