the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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