there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
