im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
