At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Randomize
