I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
