just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
