Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
