so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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