I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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