So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
