I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
