please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
