youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
