Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
