She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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