there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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