OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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