Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
not ubering you a puppy
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
