The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I have fence marks all over my body
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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