I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
