I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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