Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
