Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
