Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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