I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
